Your friendly neighborhood Door Diva is back at the cafe! I usually pick up shifts at 'Cafe de Coffee' between semesters, and this last year was like whoa! After such a long hiatus, I wasn't sure if everything would go smoothly. I should not have worried: Tonight's a slow night, and soon... it's midnight. Yay, time to close! I flip the sign, and go to stack the outside tables and chairs. M., my friend and professor, gives me a hand and I stop to chat for a second. Suddenly, a man [wearing a trenchcoat in 78 degree weather...arooo?] comes from across the street and walks right into the shop. We consult the Diva Phone: it's 12:06...ugh. I look at M., roll my eyes, and poke my head in the door:
Me: "Excuse me. We're closed."
Trenchcoat Guy: "Huh? I can't get a cup of coffee?"
Me: "...Are you serious right now?"
T.G.: "*crickets*"
Me: "Ummmmm..."
T.G.: "*chirp**chirp*"
Me: " *siiiiiiigh* Look, you just want a cup of coffee?"
T.G.: "Yeah."
Me: "That's all?"
T.G.: "Yeah."
Me: "I mean, you're sure?"
T.G.: "Yeah."
Me: "... ... ...That's all you need?"
T.G.: "Yeah!"
Me: "You're positive?"
T.G.: "Yeah, just some coffee!!"
Me: " *Muttley snicker* Yeah, alright, fine."
I trudge back behind the damn counter, and he launches into:
T.G.: "Lemme get a triple skim latte with vanilla and hazelnut. Oh, and no foam."
Me: "Um... I've already shut down the espresso machine."
T.G.: "Aw, come on!"
Me: "You said you just wanted a cup of coffee."
T.G.: "Yeah, well that's my coffee."
Me: "...Okay, this is not cute. At all. I am not amused. You see this? This is my 'not amused' face."
T.G.: "......"
Me: "..............."
T.G.: "....................."
Me: "I'm not the asshole here.
T.G.: "... lemme get a cheese danish."
Me: "2.50"
Look, your Door Diva can only be so kind. My offer to serve him was very generous, especially when you consider that what I really wanted to do was Sparta Kick him in the chest. That order: pushing it. The Diva is nice, but not that fucking nice. Be warned.
So it begins... trust me, there is PLENTY more to come. So much fuckery, so little time.
